If they don’t want help, you cant help them

on

To the one who thought they could help,

You cant. There comes a point in the process of trying to help someone when you just need to throw in the towel and call it quits. Automatically you start thinking – Did I do everything I could have? Was there something else I could have done? Did I make a mistake somewhere?

You feel this guilt, you feel useless and most of all you feel disappointed in yourself. In your heart you know that you could not control this, but obviously this is a person you care about. You have put a lot of time, love, patience, support and compassion into helping them and you didn’t succeed. As a human being those are all feelings that anyone would feel.

You have been so caught up in putting this persons life before your own you forgot about your well being. Anyone who puts that much time into a heartbreaking situation and does not succeed is going to need a little TLC themselves.

So you ask yourself – What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

Everyone obviously does things differently, depending on how much they have already done for that person and where they are in their own mental state. Once you have come to this point of not knowing what else to do, its time for you to hurt and let it go.

Its so easy for me to sit here and share my views and advice with you on what to do, but it is hard for me to take my own advice when I know it is something I have to do as well.

The biggest piece of advice I can share with you today is put yourself first. We can go on the journey together, because as of 6:00 am today, I have decided to cut all ties from a situation. I’ve decided to put my mental health, my sanity, and most of all my happiness first. I am tired of feeling worried, and scared, I refuse to look back. I KNOW I have done everything in my power to help this person, but unfortunately they are just not ready to change. I refuse to put my life on hold any longer. We only have one life to live and if they want to live their life like that, then so be it that’s their business. But just because I love you as a person does not make it fair for me to live my life like this as well.

At any point in time you feel guilty for wanting to throw in the towel, don’t. You tried, more than any other person and you have done everything you could. Its not you, its them, and when they are ready they will get the help they need. Remember : it is only effective when it is on their own terms, never on yours.

Sincerely,

The girl who tried to help someone who was not ready

 

I want to thank my friends and family who have been a HUGE support system for me the past 7 months. Thank you for always supporting my decisions I have made through this process even if you didn’t agree with them. I’m ready to take back my life and live for myself again. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through all of this without you guys. I love you all more than you can imagine & I’m blessed to have you all in my life.

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